why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
