That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
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