i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
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Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
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I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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