So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
