I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
