belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
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All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
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While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality