My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.