If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.