omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
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No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
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Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means