I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Deaf chicks here I come
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles