Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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