I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
