You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
