I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
