It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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