to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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