Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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