Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
