apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
