my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
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Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
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My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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