I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
