My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
