you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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