Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Less talking, more tequila
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
