Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
