Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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