I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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