It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
