im about as happy as oj after his trial
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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