What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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