just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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