As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
