Swine flu. Run for my life!
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?