I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
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there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
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Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats