yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.