I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
