You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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