What a fucking waste of an outfit
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
