Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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