I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
