Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize
