don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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