in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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