i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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