i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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