and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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