I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
