I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize