Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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