Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize
