I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
