ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
