i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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