Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
