Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
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