cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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