My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
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