btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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