Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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