my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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