Please, let me fuck your mom
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
dude. I can hear the air.
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