You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize