i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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