im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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