im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Randomize
