I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
