Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
